Puppies
by Lorde Shadowz
Summary: A drabble set in the Maurader era. Sirius gets himself in a bit of very humorous trouble. Mr. Prongs would like to comment that he had nothing to do with it.


Puppies

AN: Just a little drabble I came up with while I was supposed to be doing my Latin homework. Very much a crack-fic. This is _not_, I repeat _not _meant to be taken...ahem...Siriusly.

For the record, Sirius should not have had the third firewhiskey. But hey, how often does one complete the NEWTs with (mostly) outstandings? A

After Mcgonagall had denied the 7th year Gryffindors' request for an all-night party (something to do with "You need to be well-rested for the Apparation tests") James and Sirius (Remus had taken Minnie Mcgonagall at her word, and Pete had wanted an early bed time) had snuck out under James' cloak. It didn't actually cover both of them all the way anymore, so they had to use a disillusionment charm anyway, but they still used it for old-times' sake, and because Sirius always said that they had to sneak about to keep in practice. (Lily was not amused.)

They'd used the passageway that lead from behind the statue of the hump-backed witch, narrowly avoiding Filch on the way, and popped out in Honeyduke's, where they spent what must have been half James' vault, before going to Zonko's, to attempt to spend the other half. After a little more browsing in some of the less interesting stores, (and a forray into the Hogsmeade equivalent of Knock Turn Alley when Sirius dared James to go down it) Sirius had the bright idea to go to The Three Broomsticks for a drink. James was the one who dared Sirius to buy a bottle of firewhiskey. Sirius concurred; it was a great idea to end a fun-filled day!

However, after James had had a couple of drinks, he started to get disruptive, and when he tried to hex a student somewhat resembling Snivellus and then drunkenly made a pass at Madame Rosmerta, said barkeep had had enough and kicked him out, together with the bags from Honeyduke's. Sirius, who had not finished his drink, stayed, talking to a pretty waitress who he'd known for a long time, calling her back every few minutes to top off his drink so that he'd have an excuse to talk to her, and getting progressively more drunk. When he finally staggered up to go, he decided in a moment of lucidity not to use the floo; he could easily slur the word "Hogwarts" too much, and end up in the Hog's Head or something.

That would have been a good call, except that, being drunk, the alternative solution Sirius came up with was to walk back to Hogwarts, in his animagus form so as not to be attacked by Death Munchers.

In the morning, Sirius Black staggered, bleary-eyed, into the Gryffindor Common Room, his mane of black hair tostled and his robes all rumpled. Everyone looked up for a second, and then, used to his antics, just went back to whatever they were doing. James was the only one to approach him and pull him aside.

"You better have a good reason for coming back without all the Zonko's products we bought," he commented, a little too loud for Sirius's aching head.

Sirius winced. "Ouch! Not so loud. And I got laid, so sorry for forgetting the stupid Zonko's products."

James immediately started firing off questions in an only slightly reduced volume. "Was she sweet? Was it fun? What'd she look like?" His eyes misted over- probably imagining bedding Lily.

Sirius sighed. "She was a b*tch," he replied glumly.

"Sorry mate," James told him sympathetically. "Was she at least cute?"

"No, you don't get it," Sirius responded. "She was a b*tch. Literally. As in, with four legs."

James stared at him, uncomprehending. "Excuse me?"

"Prongs, you know what my form is, right?"

James stared at him for another eon, and then burst out laughing. "Only you, Sirius," he said finally, panting. "You know, I'd expected you to say Vaslissa Vane, or something, not a literal b*tch. How much did you have to drink?"

"Not answering that. Just give me the hangover potion, ok?"

"C'mon, I have to know how much you drank so I know how much potion to give you."

"I'll just drink it until my headache goes away," Sirius replied sullenly. "There's no need to dirty up a measuring spoon."

"I'm gonna take you to Madame Pomphrey," James threatened.

Sirius sighed. The light and the bright reds and golds of Gryffindor Tower were hurting his eyes. "Ionlyhadabottle," he mumbled.

"Come again?"

"A bottle, now shut up and give me the potion," Sirius snapped.

James snickered and poured it out for him.

It was late the following summer when next our story picks up. James and Lily were having a private get-together to celebrate the aforementioned couple's engagement, just James, Lily, and the Mauraders. They had been jabbering about past adventures, auror training (for James and Sirius), and the idiots who were currently running for Minister of Magic when a letter for Sirius dropped into a platter of scones. Sirius picked it up, frowned at the seal, ripped it open and went white.

"What is it, mate?" asked James anxiously. "Is it your family? The auror department? The Ministry of Magic? What?"

"It's Walburga," replied Sirius numbly. (He never had called her Mother.) "She's wondering why there are four new names on the family tapestry,"

"-Four? That's overkill even for you!" said James, attempting to inject some levity into the situation. Lily thumped him on the back of the head, then turned around and opened her mouth to berate Sirius for getting four girls pregnant.

Sirius was still talking. "...and why their names are listed as Duchess, Trixie, Shaggy, and Patches."


End file.
